For Mun - New Beginnings

So far away
from all I left behind
my trinkets, my pages
my gym clothes my life
Cross the oceans
to be with you
new beginnings,
that have coloured me new

Brand new sheets
for cuddled up nights
no more screaming
no honking all night
Early morning cooking
hurried breakfast, the baking
potlucks and walking
a new beginning unfolding

Early morning calls
missing mom and dad
dreaming of a future
that I may have had
Failing to understand
and getting so lost
when everything's new
you're the one I rely on

Colour myself from head
and toe in-between streets
find something inside of me
something new -
but someone old of me
Canvas and vanish
will walk through the old
new beginnings, old stories torn.

-A.Tulsiani

Thought to slave

What is anything, but anything I make belief
Tried of running in circles, spin out of real
Spiral in the sunlight, blind with the glare
Laugh about anything and run with despair
What is to learn from fallen trees that reach the sea?
When anything is anything, but nothing to keep

Travel the world on your one man horse
Close your mind to everyone you speak to off
Standing by your thought, close off the stars
Because anything is nothing unless it's yours
What's with the questions if you have your answers?
When nothing can detract from the narrow road you've discovered

What is anything, but anything you make belief?
Your straight line is wearing me off, boring me
Run away for you, smile, I love my unrealistic dreams
You push them down into haunted depths to sleep
What's to hear? What's to know? When the knowing is caged?
At least I dream and dream while you slave to kill my way

-A.Tulsiani

Burnt bridges

I see you, while I think of you
And whatever I felt before
And it's all coming back to me
Like waves that crashed the shore

Slow tears come to my eyes
This is all too good to be true
Because I know you never be mine
And I'll be nothing, but nothing to you

So should I even so try
To build the bridges that have burnt?
Is there a chance in the hell I live in  
A hope for lessons to be unlearnt 

And while I sit here in the dark
Whispering nothings to the wind
I see you out there, the remorse
Begging to be loved even more

But no matter what you want to say
You won't see me half way now
Because the bridges have being burnt
And there's no way to return

- A. Tulsiani

Good bye

How done are you
With me in any way
Played it around so so
At the seams you tear
Quit the sorry say goodbye
Baby your leaving now
And dont even try.
Clean up the mess you made
Now, seeing bed sheets
That you've thrown around
I won't make, do with
Your crew and your keep
Baby the only thing you want
You'll be able to really see
Is my face smiling when I
Slam the door in your face
And mouth good-bye.

A.Tulsiani

My blank sheet

My heart quickly faded to nothing
My head turned into a real mess
My silly soul disappeared somewhere
But it probably just needed a rest

And then everything was turned upside
And down below me I could see
That life was still carrying on so
It was carrying on perfectly without me

My blinding pain made me search you
Imagination sees you glowing with a smile
And in my head you laughed at me
All of my complains, my threats, my cries

And you just told me all will be good
That there's nothing to be afraid of - if I look
Just clearer and deeper into myself
I'll find you sitting and mending the tear

But I lost hope again and again and again
Blamed my past and love that was pretense
I wondered what a life I was living now
If this nightmare won't just kill me somehow

But you were there standing in the storm
You were my shelter and I was so wrong
The pages were turning but I didn't see
You erased the pain, now I hold a blank sheet

You'll tell me eventually what to fill it with
Smiles, hopes, love, dreams- and I'll put in
Time for only you and me. I promise
I lost sight before but now it won't happen

Until then I still shed tears sometimes
But you're patient with me make me realise
That you're there in your subtle ways
And one day this storm will blow away

 I know now that I'm precious to you too
So you'll work your miracles when  you do
But until then you lull my tears to sleep
And I'll hold my pen above my blank sheet

-A.Tulsiani

All of Stone

Stone nails against my skin
The sickly feel of it ripping
All life flowed a rotten black
Crash the world, you lost track

Bits and pieces you separate
What you love and love to hate
Leave behind this stained mess
Broken pieces pick up themselves

Dress down stitched up wounds
Back and forth I look too soon
Soon as I trip, you make me fall
Laughing mirrors scar even more

Stone ground against my face
Tears that fall at an even pace
All love flows and all flesh drains
Drown myself in the lake I made

-A. Tulsiani

Someone

Someone to sing to when the lights are out
Someone who'll hold me close when it's cold all around
Someone who'll say yes to breakfast far away
To drive me into town 'cause I crave banana pancakes

Someone who'll be the music to my lyrics
Who learns the songs I like to sing without hinting
Someone to share an umbrella with on a rainy day
I'll make hot chocolate, vanilla coffee - I'll even bake

Someone who'll ask me what I want to do
He can buy movie tickets and share popcorn too
Someone I can read to all night and parts of the day
He'll laugh when I'm ill but get the medicines anyway

Someone who I can fight with when I'm bored
Someone who'll wipe my tears even if I could
Someone I can call when I'm so happy I'll explode
Just someone to use up all this love that I now throw

-A.Tulsiani

P.S - I also need someone who'll help me make my blog look a little better. But I thought of that after this was already written :)

Obsession

I'm searching within for reasons
I'm searching my soul in vain
The truth is I got to seach elsewhere
But I'm scared to know what you think

I rewrite all I want to tell you
I'm cramming my bin with trash
Trash feelings that you'll think are silly
And tears of hopelessness that are all I have

These tears are keeping me up all night
Tears that fall because I don't exist
While your every breath fogs my eyes
I fall and burn and you don't feel a thing

All my nights are spent in a restless mess
And I wake up before dawn even breaks
How I wish for my life before I knew of you
Wish I could bury myself from all of this

-A. Tulsiani

Ggrrrhhhhh

For all those confused souls on Facebook. You'll are getting on my freakin' nerves


You're all forming the questions
While I already have the answers
You're wondering and helping
While I made it all on my own

You put it all out there
And tell the world - go figure
While you don't know shit yourself
You're arguing with each other

You're not reaching a consensus
Fuck everyone else - look within
It's in there, if you clear your head
You'll find those pieces that are missing

-A.Tulsiani