What I am with you

Bit by bit you own me
Bit by bit you crawl through
Worm your way into me
Worm your way all through

Slowly take over my head
I might burst - it's all new
I've forgotten to be me
All I know is- what I am with you

My body's changing
Toes radiating - it's not fun
I dream in the day
Up all night, dreams won't come

So you're breathing for me
It's like my past just wasnt true
I've forgotten to be me
My only truth is- what I am with you

I'm buzzing all day
It's a high I never knew
Colors seems so faded
Without you I have no clue

Love this drug that has caught me
I've fallen predictably all along
By a ticket it's a string show
What I am with you is all I know

-A. Tulsiani

E and R

Forgetting all that I promised you
Forgetting all that I said
Forgetting the way your fingers feel
Running through my hair

Forgetting late night calls
Forgetting the fights with you
Forgetting all that I let go
I'm forgetting all of you

I forget the first messages
But I have them written somewhere
Forgetting all the good times
Trying to forget why I cared

Stripped off the laughter
From corners of my heart
Drying up tears that followed it
Forgetting all the past

Forgetting the dates the and years
Counting backwards in fear
Forgetting bases and kisses
Forgetting I was here

Ripping off bonds and threads
Reversing every careless caress
Rewinding heart breaking conversations
Until it's all gibberish in my head

Burying toes in white sand
Burying my head the clouds
Drowning black veins off of me
Until it's snowed all around

-A. Tulsiani

Ha ha - For "her"

We had our days of torture
And we had our days of gore
We had all that lovers had
And sometimes so much more

I remember the nights that you just left me
To cuddle close to someone else
I called up everyone we knew
Boy, I was such a mess

Now I feel like pulling your every curl
Straightening you out in whirl
I want to slap your skinny head silly
Wanna kick your face and scream till you hear me

The way you laughed and sniggered
When they made fun of me it figures
That your tiny ass needs to be whipped
Not "intelligent" - you're full of shit

So I'm shipping you off on the cheapest flight
And no I wont meet you one last time
The ugliest thing I ever dated
Boy, you weren't even over-rated.

-A. Tulsiani

Next Year

I wonder if he's alone
if he feels the way I'm feeling
I wonder if he stays awake
All the while I'm dreaming

I wonder if it's possible, if we've
Crossed parts and never known
If I knew of him just then
If maybe he looked in my direction

I wonder if he feels me
While he watches the sunrise or winter
I wonder if he breathes and knows
This is what it's like next to her

Does he feel her in the mornings
Before he even knows he's awake
If he craves for the next year
Wondering what's keeping her away

Is he aware of the shatter
That she may not even exist
That we've both living in a unreal world
Strangers in this fortress

-A. Tulsiani

For A

I called up today
Not out of the blue
I had to call twice
To get through to you

I knew it wouldn't be easy
We wouldn't make conversation
We never had anything to talk about
Our silences were always comforting

I speak about myself
Because you never speak much
In those 3 minutes
We can catch up on the months

I think of the times
When I thought I could be with you
A step- down from my expectations
I thought I could accept in you

I'd imagine breezy terraces
Over looking a lake
A place magical, far beyond
Nothing I'm used to till date

But with everything unsaid
I knew you'd gotten scared
I knew with that last kiss
Soon my feelings would be dead

I played the right cards
Because it felt good to be apart
Because we have no expectations
No promises, no strong relations

Though I can't escape that strange bond
That I admire but you fear off
I know it's doomed from the beginning
When we were younger atleast it had meaning

I know I'll see you, if you
Come visit my city for a while
Then you'll be gone again
For months out of my life

But what killed me today is
The way you hung up
It's like you'd thrown me out of a life
I was never a part off

-A. Tulsiani