What I am with you

Bit by bit you own me
Bit by bit you crawl through
Worm your way into me
Worm your way all through

Slowly take over my head
I might burst - it's all new
I've forgotten to be me
All I know is- what I am with you

My body's changing
Toes radiating - it's not fun
I dream in the day
Up all night, dreams won't come

So you're breathing for me
It's like my past just wasnt true
I've forgotten to be me
My only truth is- what I am with you

I'm buzzing all day
It's a high I never knew
Colors seems so faded
Without you I have no clue

Love this drug that has caught me
I've fallen predictably all along
By a ticket it's a string show
What I am with you is all I know

-A. Tulsiani

E and R

Forgetting all that I promised you
Forgetting all that I said
Forgetting the way your fingers feel
Running through my hair

Forgetting late night calls
Forgetting the fights with you
Forgetting all that I let go
I'm forgetting all of you

I forget the first messages
But I have them written somewhere
Forgetting all the good times
Trying to forget why I cared

Stripped off the laughter
From corners of my heart
Drying up tears that followed it
Forgetting all the past

Forgetting the dates the and years
Counting backwards in fear
Forgetting bases and kisses
Forgetting I was here

Ripping off bonds and threads
Reversing every careless caress
Rewinding heart breaking conversations
Until it's all gibberish in my head

Burying toes in white sand
Burying my head the clouds
Drowning black veins off of me
Until it's snowed all around

-A. Tulsiani

Ha ha - For "her"

We had our days of torture
And we had our days of gore
We had all that lovers had
And sometimes so much more

I remember the nights that you just left me
To cuddle close to someone else
I called up everyone we knew
Boy, I was such a mess

Now I feel like pulling your every curl
Straightening you out in whirl
I want to slap your skinny head silly
Wanna kick your face and scream till you hear me

The way you laughed and sniggered
When they made fun of me it figures
That your tiny ass needs to be whipped
Not "intelligent" - you're full of shit

So I'm shipping you off on the cheapest flight
And no I wont meet you one last time
The ugliest thing I ever dated
Boy, you weren't even over-rated.

-A. Tulsiani

Next Year

I wonder if he's alone
if he feels the way I'm feeling
I wonder if he stays awake
All the while I'm dreaming

I wonder if it's possible, if we've
Crossed parts and never known
If I knew of him just then
If maybe he looked in my direction

I wonder if he feels me
While he watches the sunrise or winter
I wonder if he breathes and knows
This is what it's like next to her

Does he feel her in the mornings
Before he even knows he's awake
If he craves for the next year
Wondering what's keeping her away

Is he aware of the shatter
That she may not even exist
That we've both living in a unreal world
Strangers in this fortress

-A. Tulsiani

For A

I called up today
Not out of the blue
I had to call twice
To get through to you

I knew it wouldn't be easy
We wouldn't make conversation
We never had anything to talk about
Our silences were always comforting

I speak about myself
Because you never speak much
In those 3 minutes
We can catch up on the months

I think of the times
When I thought I could be with you
A step- down from my expectations
I thought I could accept in you

I'd imagine breezy terraces
Over looking a lake
A place magical, far beyond
Nothing I'm used to till date

But with everything unsaid
I knew you'd gotten scared
I knew with that last kiss
Soon my feelings would be dead

I played the right cards
Because it felt good to be apart
Because we have no expectations
No promises, no strong relations

Though I can't escape that strange bond
That I admire but you fear off
I know it's doomed from the beginning
When we were younger atleast it had meaning

I know I'll see you, if you
Come visit my city for a while
Then you'll be gone again
For months out of my life

But what killed me today is
The way you hung up
It's like you'd thrown me out of a life
I was never a part off

-A. Tulsiani

On and on...

In every drawer
In every nook and corner
A part of him lingers on
With every restaurant
Garden and side walk
A memory flashes
Dashes and catches
Like fireflies
Stealing part of a song.

His skin she still traces
Feels and embraces
And forgets...
As the night wears on
That smile
That delight
Of seeing her face, but -
the moonlight made way for dawn

And she may ever find
Something as right
Someone that'll stay
While the story goes on?
Until then she'll stare
She'll find truth and she'll dare
To hurt and carry
That hope all day long

-A. Tulsiani

Lullaby

The summer sun said good-bye
Stormy grays took over my sky
I run for cover... but wait
Is it a bad dream?
I'm all alone
No one's searching for me

I look on up, it's darker now
Heavy and wild, and the birds fly around
I'm turning too
And crazy spiral dance
While it all spins around
I have nothing to grasp

The tear drops are falling
Their weight tears my skin
I'm bleeding and melting
And curling from within
If anyone can help - they're just not there
I'll die away rotting in despair

I wake up now. It was a dream
Lying in the middle of nowhere
Giggles and sunshine and glee
Stand up. Look down.
And I scream in fright
I've shredded up, I see whats inside

-A.Tulsiani

...Escape

I wrote this poem back in March 2007, found it on my old blog that i deleted - reposting it here...

Escape

She woke up in the morning,
The summer sun in her eye
Blinking like the fire flickers
She dashes for the covers again

The depth of the disaster
Can be seen in the twists and turns
She fights with the morning
For setting the night to burn

Her nails need to be trimmed
Her life is robbed of meaning
She curls up against her self
And wills her misery dreaming

The dawn is her enemy
She lies in the worlds naked eye
Come dusk she can hide again
From the predators of her light

- A. Tulsiani

For N and A

They'll think it's freaky that I wrote this crappy poem for them. I'm trying to write one after years. This is for my oldest friend and his new girlfriend...


For N and A


He plays her favorite songs
And does all her favorite things
Jumps up when she sneezes
And every single time she pleases

Looks miserable when she's in pain
Comes running all the way
He'll look at her when she's not looking
And nothing can break that away

She smiles when he holds her
Looks for him- he's two steps away
There's a longing never fulfilled
And while the mystery's unfolding it never will

She's laid down the rules
He'll stick by through and through
Promises not thought about
Fears and tears not cleared

She'll weep and break his heart
He'll break her's back and mend it again
But for now it's bright new love
Don't let the curtains drop - not yet.

-A. Tulsiani